fine, sunrise - you win.
fine, sunrise - you win.
I’m sitting at this bench overlooking the city after about two solid months of not exercising. This morning I dragged myself out of bed and made it here. I’m taking a moment to breathe here to reflect on the things I have to be thankful for this last couple of months. Here it goes…
- the sunshine that keeps me warm & has let me spend as many non-working hours as I want outside.
- the challenges of living with someone new. It taught me to learn to communicate better & speak up even when things feel uncomfortable.
- my health. I am grateful for my good health and for the means to be able to care for myself when things do go wrong.
- my family who is my constant rock on this rollercoaster ride called life. I’m forever thankful for their love, support and sense of humor.
- Los Angeles. this city has a way of teaching me the lessons I seem to want to avoid in life. I’m appreciative of the endless opportunities this city presents and for the amazing, creative people I meet daily.
Here’s to keeping my face toward the sun and the shadows behind me.
Think I’ve almost recovered from Kyle’s bday party on Friday…almost. Little Scripps Ranch reunion with the pals!
Yesterday this little rascal surprised me! I wasn’t expecting her until Friday. Needless to say, I wept the happiest of tears and then we ate Mexican food & lived happily ever after again! #bestLaborDayEVER || Big props to @rayleneshines for actually pulling off the surprise!
I called my mom last night on my way home from a late night at work. I often call her on these drives because it’s a nice way to catch up while also weaving through LA traffic. For the past few weeks I’ve have been thinking a lot about if what I’m doing with my life is what I should be doing with my life. I ran into this problem when I worked in a talent agency for two years after college. I was also confronted with it again when I lived in Portland and had to settle for a desk job after losing my job in film production. And here I am again.
In high school, I was the girl who wanted to do everything and be friends with everyone. I got the most pleasure out of overexerting myself in endless activities. I got a job when I turned 15 and held one through the end of high school. On top of that I was the Co-Editor-in-Chief of the school newspaper, sang in a band, had a boyfriend, was the lead in the high school musical, played lacrosse and soccer all while maintaining a relatively good GPA. I don’t mention all this to brag but to point out that this is when I was at my best. All my fires were burning and I was constantly tapped into my creative side. I was able to excel having my day jam-packed with activities. I work best with chaos- I always have.
I miss this. I miss being pulled in a lot of directions. I miss being able to express myself creatively. I miss being too tired at the end of the day to waste it watching some trashy reality TV show. I miss feeling like I have a purpose each day.
I’m struggling with this big time and last night was the first time in a long time that I admitted I feel like I’m wasting my strengths. I don’t want to wake up in five years and wish that I had been braver with my ambitions. The next step is figuring out how exactly I move forward from here. Do I find people to make music with? Do I take art classes? Do I start forcing myself to write again more? Do I play rec soccer during the week? What am I missing?
Living in Los Angeles can be a blessing and a curse. Today it feels like a blessing because I live in a city where the world is my oyster and it’s hard to dismiss this fact. I’m ready to let that light shine through again. I’m ready, ready, ready.
💥 (at The Holloway)
I want to share your mouthful
I wanna do all the things your lungs do so well
back o’er oregon
like to call it no big deal
but we both know i’d be lying
i can never come back if i don’t go
Happy, Happy Monday my friends! Stay gold & bright⚡️✨
the boys are back in town. a saturday full of flaming margaritas, endless chips & salsa amongst friends is a saturday well spent.
there’s something about cooking that’s always helped bring me some peace.