I’m feeling a bit out of it today. Surprisingly not from a hangover or sunburn or any other physical ailment that might make me feel out of sorts. I think I’m mostly feeling disconnected from things and people I have felt very connected to in the past. I can’t decide if it’s a natural disconnection or if I or others are making subconscious choices to create the space I’m feeling. I haven’t even fully processed if the space is something I’m okay with or if it isn’t. There is just a lot of grey area. One thing I can be sure of is that I have felt confident in standing by the choices I’ve been making. In the past I have not been good about putting myself and my own desires first. I let guilt lead my choices and I let my judgment get clouded and influenced by the people around me instead of asking myself what I really want. So, here I am making choices for myself yet still having to ward off feelings of guilt. It’s an annoying thing really. I beat myself up over feeling guilty and then on the flipside get really frustrated that I don’t stand by my choices and own them more. Twenty-something, first world, white girl problems. I know. I know.
On a happier note, I had a very peaceful day yesterday. I am so grateful for the river, trees, sky, air, clouds and everything else that keeps this city feeling so beautiful. I have a lot to be thankful for. Life is beautiful.